Am I Lonely...? 2003-10-24 3:59 p.m.
Sigh...I'm tired. Very very very very tired today..>_< I think I may have mono. That's probably not the case, but you never know.
Yesterday was a fairly good day. Mr. Stacy and I butted heads when I called him evil. I didnt' have a few problems of the chemistry homework, and like other students in class, to redeem myself and get some points, I went to the board and balanced equations. So fun...-_- But I got them right, HAHAHAHAHAHA! Beat that, Mr. Stacy! <3
There was also the Battle of the Amandas...myself and Amanda Schoneweiss..or something similar to that...Can't spell her last name. ;_; I won, because -I- balanced the equations fastest...Mwahaha.
Today was the final day of Spirit Week at school and tonight, our football team is playing the Homecoming Game. Hoorah. As such, today was Blue and White day and "Sweethearts" Day. I hate bullshit like that. It's like "Oh, let's make these people in relationships feel better about themselves!". Ick. I bought 4 hearts today, and only gave three out. The three I gave out, I felt like they were not appreciated. No one wore the one I gave them, save Chris. He's the only one who was kind enough to do so. Megan didnt' wear hers, neither did Darrin. The other I was going to give to Bryan Webb, but he wasn't there today.
I'm worried about the friendship between Megan and myself. We hardly ever talk anymore, save at school, and today she told me that I was mean, vindictive, vengeful, spiteful, etc and so forth and that those were all the qualities she hated. That really...really hurt my feelings. I didn't say much to her about it. She didn't say too much to me after that except for "Manda, don't look so melancholic". I feel like she doesn't want to be my friend anymore, not because of what happened today but for other reasons. Maybe we're just growing apart, and that's the natural course of things. Like I said, we never hang out anymore, never talk on the phone, barely talk on the internet...shew. I don't want to lose her, she is my best friend after all.
Speaking of school, I shall make a confession.
...I...I...have an addiction to keychains..>_< Nice ones, not stupid ones. I'll have to scan a pic of my current keychain collection on my keyrings sometime soon. I have one that says "Worship me like the Goddess I am", "Queen of the Universe" (Both of which were given to me by Jason), and a star with a crescent moon in it, lovingly purchased form Wal-Mart for a MERE 77 cents. Now, I have a new addition. A blue metallic football-shaped one that says "RHS Blue Tornadoes". I purchased it for 5 bucks today..>_< The keychain is this year's pass into the Homecoming Dance. Every year, they make a new item that will get you into the dance, and I decided that I -must- have the keychain. Then later on in the day, it hit me as to how -truly- stupid it was to purchase the pass for the dance, but have no one to go with. I felt so loserly.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, has something in their life to hang on to, their pillar of strength. For some, it's the internet, for others, it's their friends, their lover, their family. For the longest time, I wanted my pillar of strength to be a guy. I believe that's how I became so weak over the years. My quest for finding someone to hold me up, and push me on, it was wasted. I can't find someone to be that for me. I have to be it for myself. All I have to depend on is me, and the cat. God, how high a pedestal I put Tragic on. Everytime something goes wrong, this is my exact thought right here, and I'm not even kidding : "Well, at least Tragic's still here. He'll be there when I get home, and go to sleep, and wake up. He's there." I can say it and believe it, because it has proven true beyond many things.
I only wonder though. What the hell is going to happen to me when Tragic is -NOT- there?
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