Its Harder 2004-07-21 6:08 p.m.
...to update.
I just can't find the will to do it. It's becoming more like a chore. "Oh, I have to update today.." and then I keep putting it off and putting it off.
With this journal at times, it feels like no one reads it. That it is my scream of existence in a place where there is no one else.
My stats page would suggest otherwise though.
So why does no one ever comment? Is my writing that boring? Is it that hard to comment? I see other people's blogs and they get 6 comments every entry..at LEAST.
Maybe it's useless to whine over this. Maybe it's stupid. But why update if no one cares? Why have something public if no one wants or cares to see what you have to say?
At any rate, last week I went to Georgia and visited Bradley and Brian and stayed with Bradley. It was an average visit. I just didn't like going somewhere everyday. Most days I just don't feel like getting up much less doing something every day. But it was fun, so I guess that's a good thing.
I also met Mesia. Mesia (Lindsay) is an extraordinarily gorgeous person and she has a great personality. I wish I could be nearly as pretty and skinny as she is, but I can't. So I'll just be mildly jealous of her. She can also bowl like a madwoman. -_-
Also during the course of my trip. I picked up the Eva Perfect Boxset...$108. Got End of Evangelion for 27.99 and Death & Rebirth for 25.99. I was pleased...my anime collection seems to be expanding slowly but surely. I also managed to lose my photo i.d. which is a bad thing...I almost didn't get to fly back home. I also can't take my driver's course without it, so since that starts July 26 and the license has yet to be found, we're trucking it to the Virginia border tomorrow to get it back...hopefully.
I'm making progress in Chrono Cross. I've vowed to to beat every game this summer that I haven't beaten before and it seems to be going along well thanks to Bradley, who is always on the phone with me, waiting patiently with a GameFAQs guide in case I run into a problem. Bradley's so helpful, I love him. XD
And so far into this entry, I feel things are a huge jumble of mixed and random thoughts. I really don't know how to write anything in here though. to put it into words. Lately I've just been feeling kinda down and lazy. I've also been majorly frustrated and pissed, due to family again. I think that is the most hated word I have in my vocabulary, because the definition of that word doesn't exist for me. In my reality, "family" is skewed and far from the idealized version of what one should be.
Like for example, I scheduled an interview for a job taking care of Kennel's in a vet's office. The job paid $7.00 an hour and they only needed you to come 2 days a week and every fourth weekend. I thought that would fit in perfectly with school, since I want a job that won't take away from school. Of course though, since it was 17 miles away, Sam deemed it too far, and I wasn't allowed to go to the interview, which really pissed me off. He drives an hour to work and 17 miles is too far? He also went on about how I think I know everything, cause I'm a typical teenager; that I was too picky; that they weren't changing their lives for me.
I love their stupidity.
I also love my lack of having a grasp on things lately.
I'm scared. Scared of changes, but scared of things staying the same. I hate being trapped and that's exactly what I am. I want to leave here, leave these wretched people but I have no way of doing so. No car, no insurance, I could get the money for an apartment well enough, but the money for car and insurance is a completely different scenario, as I can't save up for a car AND an apartment at the same time.
And you know, this entry was just a big pile of goo. Basically, stuff splattered in every possible direction. I need to think and clear my head, then maybe I'll post my realization or whatever later.
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