Breakdown 2003-10-18 1:53 p.m.
I had a nervous breakdown Wednesday evening. I had had things go wrong all day that day. Add to that the buildup of everything from July on. I was so stressed out that day that I just could not take it.
Let's see what recent events led to the nervous breakdown, shall we?
Tuesday night, I studied. I studied all night long, til 2 in the morning for the A.P. Government test. I knew the chapter back and front, and the papers, defintions, etc as well. I get in there, take that bad boy, and walk out feeling very optimistic.
Well, after fourth period Latin III, I went to Tarter's room to see what I had made. I made a grand score of 68.3. I freaked, and I told him that I had read the chapter and I knew it and I wanted to know WHY I was failing. He just said the test came out of the book and a bunch of other bullshit excuses. So I go down the hall, with that "I'm Manda, I'm angry and about to cry" look on my face. I ran into Megan and Shiff, and I thought I was fine. Megan asked what was wrong and I just started crying. I never cry at school unless something is totally freaking wrong or someone has died, and even the latter usually will not evoke me to do so. Megan comforted me, as all best friends comfort their best friends who are crying, and took me down to the guidance office to change my schedule and let me have out my little crying fit. At any rate, I promptly changed out of A.P. Government and that was that.
Then I came home. It had been a bad day obviously. Keith and Brooke came home, and I was wanting to listen to music as I had being doing before they came home. Okay, well, Brooke started singing. No big deal right? I just turn up my music. She got louder as I did so. Okay, well, I turned it off, and she quit. I turn it back on and she starts up. So at thisp oint I was pretty well pissed off and ready to break her a new one. I yelled at the top of my lungs for her to shut up. She didn't listen. I was vehmently mad at this point in time. Not only was she spiting me, she was ignoring me, the latter of which is something that will piss me off VERY quickly. Someone called and wanted to talk to her, and I went in there and told her that I didn't appreciate what she did and that I had yelled at her 6 times to stop. Her response, in a shrill whiny voice : "WELL SORRY! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SUCH A FUCKING BITCH ABOUT IT!!!11111ONEONEONEONEONE" (minus the ones). That made me snap, I screamed at her and said, for the most part " YOU FUCKING IDIOTS HAVE NO FUCKING RESPECT FOR ME AROUND HERE, AND I'M SICK OF IT! I'M ABOUT READY TO KILL MYSELF! ARGH!". She slammed the door in my face. I thought about throwing the phone, but did not. Instead, I threatened to kill her, and I think had she gotten into my face anymore at that point, I would've. My uncle was the one who had called and wanted to talk to her. He is a big man, (6 foot something 280 pounds)but he knows that when I'm pissed, I could definately take him. He told me to calm down and at that point in time I told him I was going to kill Brooke and everyone else that got in my way. I think I'm improving. Last nervous breakdown I had, I have the remnants of on my wrist. This time, I've moved from "self-hurt" to "Manda kill you and punch the wall and go berserk <3". I was crying, and shaking, and screaming and everything of that nature, which wasn't the prettiest of sights. I'm okay now though. Next time someone gets in my face, Wham. I'm going to punch them and break their jaw. <3
But yeah, A.P.'s over and done with, and regular Government is so easy that it's not even funny. I'm doing work this weekend to catch up with the class, but it's all good. I can get it done.
I also am the proud owner of a business suit. I need it for TCAC and Forensics. My uncle took me to Belk and we purchased it for me, since I am unable to due to stolen money, which also keeps me from making my costume...sigh. I'll have to get pictures of me wearing it one day.
Too much has happened this week to write down, but that's the only real important thing. Must update every day...<3
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