Crisis Abundant Much 2004-02-20 11:02 a.m.
Once in a while, things sneak up on me. Once in a while, I get overwhelmed. This week has been one of those "once in a while" times.I've stayed home from school today to catch up on my sleep, to do my college essay, and above all else, play Persona 2. Maybe I'm joking about the latter part, but the other two are both things I needed.
A lot has happened the past couple of days. When I'm not updating, it always does, as I've said time and time before. Tragic's still going crazy, but he's calmed down some..I guess. I've not been letting him sleep in my room at all. I'm sure he does so during the day when I'm not here, but whenever I get home, he's always in that stupid baby carriage that's in the other bedroom...Haha. I've spoiled that cat way too much for his or my own good.
I finally got to talk to Megan last night. She has apparently kicked the Jamie habit for good, and I couldn't be more proud of her for that. However, she said a lot of stuff that disturbed me. I guess I didn't really know how depressed she was over the whole Jamie break up thing. She told me she went to her friend Vicki's birthday part last weekend (Friday before Valentine's Day). I know this Vicki girl for the most part, and I can tolerate her, but she's never been one of my favorite people.
Apparently, Megan got PISS ASS DRUNK. Now, Megan has never drank before in her life and she read me off this big list of things she had to drink - 4 Hard Lemonades, a Bud Light, and other shit that I don't remember...Not to mention the fact that she told me she had smoked 3 cigarettes..>_> I was terribly disappointed in her over it. Not mad,but disappointed. Even though I am, she's still my friend and I love her to death for it. However, Vicki is not my friend and she pissed me off. How DARE she call herself Megan's friend when she didn't STOP Megan from drinking herself sick? I pointed this out to Megan and she's like "Well, it's my fault. I just kept on going in there and getting more and more.." and I said "even so, it's not like she helped. Had you and I been drinking together and you had consumed that much I would've said 'You know Megan, I think you've had just a bit too much to drink...you should stop.'." She agreed with me. Now, to drink so much alcohol and not to have died or had her liver fail is something she should be very thankful for. However, stupid pseudo-friend Vicki did something even more stupid than not trying to get Megan to stop drinking all that stuff. She gave her -aspirin- when she was vomiting. Oh my fucking god, how much more ignorant and stupid can you get? Aspirin by itself can kill your liver. Same with alcohol. BUT THE TWO OF THEM COMBINED?! Megan's really fucking lucky that she's even alive, and I told her so. I also told her if she ever did anything crazy like that again, I would come down there and kick her ass, which I wouldn't really do, but she got the gist of it. I also asked her if I needed to come home to put a stop to all the insanity. Ever since middle school, Megan has been my pillar of comfort, love, sanity, and friendship. I guess that I'm just as important to her as she is to me. That is the principle behind best friends. Friends also, should come before anything. I wasn't too happy when Michael left me and became friends with T.J. again, but I understand it more now. T.J. needs Michael more than I do, and I need Megan much more than I need either T.J. or Michael.
Also, I had a very funny dream this morning. Actually, there's nothing really funny about it. It was one of the best dreams I ever had. Before I get into that though, I have noticed that I have cycles of dreams, if you will. I'll go for a while without them, and then I'll go into another cycle where I have them on a fairly regular basis, every time I go to sleep. Anywho, my dream involved my father. He had somehow been reanimated and brought back to life. This made me super happy, and I did my best to be around him at all times, though he mostly just slept. Though, when he was awake, we talked. In the dream, I told him about everything that had happened to me in waking life. He was very surprised to find out that I hadnt' been living with Mom very much/at all. He said it wasnt' fair that my grandparents (dana and her first husband) hadn't taken care of Mom like they had taken care of him. I explained to him that Mom did it herself; she left me behind and went out man-fucking.Also, in the dream my dad had a fear of water. He said he was so afraid of that he wouldn't even flush the toilet if he didn't have to...lol. I said "well, if you don't want to, that's okay, I'd do it for you!" and we laughed. There was way more to it than that, such as my riding around on water on an intertube while he was scared to death from above. There were also other elements in the dream that didn't relate to my dad (i.e. bitching out Mickey A., an old friend of mine who turned into an asshole, and Bev, which is self-explanatory). However, they didn't matter. I think it was a wish fulfillment dream. I mean, really, my dad's never going to come back to life, no matter how far science progresses. Science can't play God, after all. Also, this dream makes me cry when I think of it now, and as I write, because I know no matter what, I'll never get to spend that kind of time with him. I was always somewhat jealous of people in elementary school. Their parents would come for parent-teacher conference. They would always ask "Where's your dad?" and I would always answer "he's dead." Also, now that I look back on it...the dream was very realistic. Also, my dad said he couldn't tell if it was real or not, because as a dead person,t hey had dreams about meeting people too. Weirdness...but I'm glad I can at least "Meet" him in some form. I also talked about in the dream about how all I wanted to do was to sleep by my dad, like little kids do. How I thought I had missed out on a childhood with him and I wanted it back.
I really do feel cheated by it all...but time machines haven't been invented yet, right?
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