- 2008-02-17 9:32 p.m.
I've been passing out around 9:00 p.m. lately and waking up at any time between 5:30 a.m. and 6:30 a.m. I WON'T DO IT TONIGHT.
Valentine's Day was okay. Bradley bought me a ring, which flip flopped between it being an engagement ring and not an engagement ring (it was not one after all) and then he decided to return it.
I'm kind of relieved, honestly. I do not want to marry Bradley anymore. I mean, I waited for a long time for it, it hasn't happened and won't for a while because he has a lot of personal issues to resolve. Like going back to school and not being depressed and suicidal.
I like Nick a lot, and he's older (24), has money and a steady job, and is already done with school. So he could, in theory, financially support me after I get my horrid debt paid off and go back to school.
So, I've got a couple of options. I can continue to stay with Bradley and his parents, and be miserable but still pay my debt off, or I can move out and take a lot longer to pay my debt off.
My very best friend Holly is moving into New Jersey and offered to let me move in with her, and I was so freakin' excited about it. I loved living in Boston and I'd know people up that way....and I have NO friends in Georgia. Whatsoever. Which is terribly depressing.
Plus, I kind of want to be an actress, and Jersey is near NYC....
I've been incredibly bored and depressed this weekend. Not the crying kind of depressed, just the listless kind, where nothing makes me happy and can take my mind off being bored.
I've also been having tons of nightmares and weird dreams lately. I'm thinking of going to a therapist or something for it. I'm having migraine headaches every day, and have had these for like the past 3 years, and nothing has seemed to help (but in all fairness, I haven't had health insurance for 50% of that time). I think the headaches and the teeth grinding have a common source, but I don't know what it is.
I just wish that I could make sense of life. I really wish that like...I could see how either decision I'd make would end, so I could say "oh, I'm totally not doing that one."
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